he Awakening


A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of
all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the
voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH!" Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on.

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and, through a
mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and
waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety, and security to
come galloping over the new horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he
is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella (nor are you Superman and
she, Lois Lane!) and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale
endings (or beginnings, for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily
ever after" must begin with YOU and in the process
a sense of SERENITY is born of ACCEPTANCE.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will
always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are... and that's
okay! (They are still entitled to their own views and opinions.)

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always
about YOU.

And you begin to sift through all the stuff you've been fed about how you
should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you
should wear and where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where
you should live, and what you should do for a living, whom you should sleep
with, whom you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the
importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive, and that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through
life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything,
it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance
of setting BOUNDARIES and learning to say, "NO."

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and
that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love; romantic
love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop
giving and when to walk away.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would
have them to be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and
outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with
love... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your
terms just to make you happy.

And you learn that alone does not mean lonely... and you look in the mirror
and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect
10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and
agonizing over how you "stack up."

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity, and respect... and you won't settle for less. And you
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his
touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And
you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it
and treat it with respect. You begin
eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to
exercise.

You learn the fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create
doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the
body,
laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and to
play.

You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you
believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it
happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you
need direction discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can
do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn to fight
for your life and not to squander living under a
cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't
always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen
to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God
isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life
happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the
ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment
must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of
you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we
take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only
dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a
long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself and to make yourself a promise
to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's
desire.

And you hang a windchime outside your window so you can listen to the
wind.

And you make it a point to keep smiling, and to stay open to every wonderful
possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and your Higher Power by
your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design
the life you want to live as best you can.

~ Author Unknown ~

Bitter-sweet

you know those moments that you hate to see come but at the same time you've been waiting for it. my mother has been staying with me and my family for about 4 months; through those 4 months we have went through transitions. my mother decided to stop smoking after 39 years and she has been successful and I'm so very proud of her. however it has been a challenge to live with her and she has stuffed everything in the house in her mouth. well she leaves in a couple days and I'm going to miss her so much, but I also want to push her out the door now. lol i said it wasn't easy! :)

i'm looking forward to a new year (2009). i always like new beginnings; it is like smelling the first snow or the earth after a hard rain. that past is clear and the future has nothing but a beautiful outlook. :)

Crap Tuesdays

Well it is a Tuesday and ever since I can remember...Tuesdays are the worst day of the week.  Everything springs up on a Tuesday, but today is okay.  The weather here in DC is beautiful and my son, Connor, is down for a nap.  As I sip on a diet coke out on my back patio, I decided to take a moment to BLOG!
Well just to update everyone.  Barkley is no longer with us; he had to go!  He started to dominate Connor by biting his legs, pushing him down, growling at him, ect....not it the 'trying to toughen him up' kind of way either.  It is more like finding a dead corpse in my house type of way....not good.  I just hope Connor wasn't traumatized by that experienced.  He seems to do well around other dogs though.
I got to spend some the wonderful 4th of July weekend with my good friend Keron (aka: loser, Kdog, Keronian, hey you, the black frenchman).  I got to meet his lovely girl friend and wonder how much he paid her to come up.  lol  It was good to spend some time with him.  He's my oldest friend from my military experience...we go all the way back to basic training!!  lol  Good times!  Everyone knows that I enjoy a good laugh and can find humor in most anything, especially serious situations.  Well good ol' Keron got to see me laughing in the "push up" position during boot camp.  The training instructors don't really like you laughing, needless to say.  Like I said, "GOOD TIMES!"  I get to see them again Labor Day weekend at Virginia Beach...woohoo!
So I have about 7 weeks until my friend Kim gets married.  I'm so excited to see her and Brent tie the knot...and I hear it is going to be an aerobic workout.  I'm not Catholic, nor ever been in a Catholic ceremony but I guess we get on our knees alot. (hmmm)  I'm also super excited to see my friend, Heather, whom I haven't seen in FOREVER!  (Thanks for meeting me in STL, Heather)
Well I have to get back to my day...I'm a busy girl! :)  Ok, I just need another diet.

*REPORT*   *REPORT*  *REPORT*
Ok so I just got off the phone with one of my old neighbors in Montana-- here is the crap Tuesday report-- two of my other neighbors were in an automobile accident yesterday and are in critical condition.  I might be taking a trip back to Montana if they don't pull through. =(

my mother

I get so angry with my mother sometimes. She always gets herself in these horrible situations. She is almost 50 years old and though she is wise in many things, she always ALWAYS tries to go the cheapest way with everything. My mother bought a house last fall for a mere $14k in a small town. Yes it sounds like too good to be true...it is! I saw the house this past spring, it wasn't really bad but it still needed a lot of work.

My mother is the typical lower-middle class woman. She wants the American dream. My mom has been married and divorced a handful of times, so she has decided to live her life alone for the rest of her life. She wants a two bedroom home, with a cute back yard to grow her garden, in a small town with a charming church. However the problem is...my mother is also a truck driver. She never has enough money or enough time.

Here recently my mother had a roof leak in her house. She found out she needed a part of her roof completely replaced. Well instead of hiring a professional, she hired two young guys who supposedly had roofing experience; supplies and labor she payed them almost $3500. Well the boys weren't the smartest guys and after 2 weeks "fixing" the roof the guys said the roof was done. It rained about a week later and she found out that her roof was still leaking. Needless to say she was out of money and her "help" was out of town.

Before she hired these guys I advised her to just go to a professional, but she wouldn't listen. Now she is out $3500 and she didn't have any money to fix her roof leak. Well the midwest has been hit with a lot of rain and that rain is leaking into my mothers house, her ceiling collapsed. This cycle continues so I will spare you the agony of reading the rest.

My mother has always wanted to find the cheapest way out of things, but she gets what she pays for. However she never listens to me and it always costs her in the end. Why won't parents take advice from their children?

In the words of Chris Rock

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named:  Bush, Dick, and Colon!"
That is so funny and TRUE!

Home from Vegas

So I came home a week early from Vegas.  David hurt his back and ended up in the emergency room.  Most of you know it is hard enough taking care of a toddler by yourself and then  not being able to move would make things much harder (that was his situation).  I had to come home to take care of both of my babies.  I knew Dave wouldn't get off the couch to feed himself because he was in too much pain and Connor would be fed PB&J's for the rest of the week.  So it was in my best interest to come home early.
The two weeks in Vegas was great.  I was really tired of the planes flying over all the time at Nellis.  My room would vibrate and not in the good way...lol.  I caught a few shows and done a little gambling.  I went to Studio 54 for about 45 minutes-- the club scene is definitely not for me anymore.  I would rather be in a lounge so I can hear the person I am talking with.
Also for those who don't know...I will be reenlisting soon (probably this week).  I also may have to go back to Vegas for 6 months in November; however that is still far enough away for things to change. 
The highlight of my trip was definitely seeing my good friend Angie.  It had been almost 5 years since I had seen her but it definitely didn't feel like 5 years.  I believe "true friends" have the capability of picking up where they left off.  I can't wait to see her again.
It was a good trip and a mini-vacation; but I'm so very excited being home with my family.  Vegas is fun but extremely overrated.