Little Johnny and April

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Going Green

We can all do our part in going green. Its not that hard. Life is turbulent, but the turbulence we feel today, will be nothing like the disaster we'll see tomorrow, if we don't act! Take your newspapers to the trash dump or set them out on the road for the city to pick up. Keep barrels or large trashcans to throw away bottles, cans, and other recyclables. Place a large container in the yard and cover it with simple window screen. Use the rain water you collect to help water your plants. Gosh, there are so many things you can do, if you just use your imagination and think green!

Going Green Statistics

The amount of wood and paper thrown away each year is enough to heat 50 million homes for 20 years.

99.5% of all the fresh water on Earth is found in icecaps and glaciers.

Each gallon of gas exhumed by a car contributes about 19 pounds of CO2 into the atmosphere. For a single car driving 1,000 miles a month, thats equal to 120 tons of CO2 a year.

Americans throw away 25 billion Styrofoam coffee cups every year, and 2.5 million plastic beverage bottles every single hour.

A single polystyrene (Styrofoam) cup contains one billion billion molecules of CFCs. (Chlorofluorocarbons) Written out, thats 1,000,000,000,000,000,000. Whew!

Once a CFC atom reaches the ozone layer, it can take 100+ years before it breaks up and becomes harmless.

110 million Americans live in areas where levels of air pollutants are considered to be harmful according to the federal government.

Americans dump 16 tons of sewage into their waters, every one minute of every day.

Although water covers two-thirds of the Earth's surface, the fresh water found in lakes, streams, and rivers represents only one-hundredth of the Earth's total water.

Each year, 1 million sea birds, 100,000 marine mammals, and 50,000 fur seals are killed as a result of eating something plastic.

Americans throw away enough glass bottles and jars to fill the two 1,350-foot twin towers of New York's World Trade Center every two weeks.

Americans throw away about 40 billion soft drink cans and bottles every year. If they were placed end to end, they would reach the moon (and back!) nearly 20 times over.

84% of a typical household's waste, including food scraps, yard waste, cardboard, paper, cans, and bottles, can be recycled in some way.

Using recycled paper for one printing of the New York Times Sunday Edition, would save 75,000 trees.

If every American recycled just 1/10th of the newspapers they buy, we would save 25 million trees a year.

Each year, 40 million acres of tropical rainforests, (an area larger than the state of California), are destroyed by logging or burning.

Only 10% of the 35,000 pesticides introduced since 1945 have been tested for their long term effects on people.

It takes 1/20th the amount of raw materials to grow grains, fruits, and vegetables as it does to raise animals for meat.

The average American home uses about 300 gallons of water a day.

A small leak (of 1/32 inch long) on a faucet can waste up to 6,000 gallons of water a month, or 72,000 gallons a year.

America's refrigerators use about 7 percent of the nation's total electricity consumption which is about the same output of 25 large power plants. Close the *&!#&!$*# door!

By turning the heat down just a few degrees, Americans could save more than 500,000 barrels of oil each day which is over 21,000,000 gallons. Get out your sweaters and learn to conserve heat!

A single quart of motor oil disposed of improperly, can contaminate up to two million gallons of fresh water.

Driving 1,000 miles a month produces 120 tons of carbon dioxide a year.

If all vehicles on U.S. roads had properly inflated tires, it would save nearly 2 billion gallons of gasoline a year.


If American's especially, don't start going green soon, your life and mine, will be drastically changed forever. Do your part today by going green, if not for yourself, do this for your childrens, childrens, children!

V.A.T. for America? WTF?

Okay, I lived in England for 4 years...these people hate the way their country is governed and now the great USA, is adopting similar methods?  I seriously think that the Obama administration needs to spend more than a week or two in Europe to understand how horrible of an idea it would be to create a V.A.T tax for Americans.  V.A.T. means value added tax.  It is added to EVERYTHING from yogurt to gas.  It is one of the many reasons that Europeans can not afford their own vehicle, but lucky them they have an awesome public transportation system.  America lacks in the public transportation department outside of the major cities.  When gas goes up to $6 a gallon or milk up to $4 a gallon or when your favorite yogurt is $1.20 ... you will really feel the government in your pocket.  With the economy in a downfall, with very little signs of recovery adding taxes to everything so we can pay for a deficit that was caused by a government who blindly threw money at a problem without fully reviewing the situation and looking at other options -- it was like putting a band-aid on a broken leg, it was immature, thoughtless, and will cost the American people -- ALOT!

So... what happens if we don't pay our debt?  Well, for those of you who don't know we borrowed the money from China to help "stimulate" our economy.  And why would China even loan us this money?  Good question.  China has collateral!  What is the collateral though??  Some say they have a contract to seize eminent domain of U.S. property... others say it is the U.S. Federal Reserves.  In either case, they have something that our government doesn't want to lose... what are your guesses?  V.A.T is going to make life a lot harder for those pursuing the American Dream... Europeans will stay in Europe and who knows, many Americans might be running for the boarder!

A plan for living

A woman who had suffered a great affliction offered a beautifully practical plan for happiness:

"I have had nothing I could give others but myself," she often said, "and so I resolved that I would never sadden anyone with my troubles.  I have laughed and told jokes when my heart writhed with agony.  I have smiled in the face of misfortune.  I have tried to let everyone go away from my presence with a happy word and a bright memory to carry with them.  I know now that happiness begets happiness, and I myself am much happier than I would have been had I sat down wringing my hands and bemoaning my fate."

Let this be a message to all of those who doubt their effort to give anything.  Try to smile and give yourself with a happy undertone. :)  Everyone suffers from their own adversities.  Adversity is truely a part of life--there will always be something that will come up.  Smile and roll with the flow--it will pass whether you worry about it or not.

Wind of Change

I was out for my daily walk/run the other night and I felt the strong wind of change.  You know the wind that tells you that fall is on its way.  Though I've enjoyed my summer and transitioned into a new place, I'm looking forward to the winter. 
Dave and I are both getting 'ride fever' and can't wait to strap on (haha I said strap on) the snowboards and ride the mountains on the east coast.  We are getting season tickets to three different mountains out here, so hopefully we will have our pick.  I know it won't be anything like the long trails of the Rockies, but we will make do with what we get.  We are also looking at taking a hop into Germany for a week or two this winter, possibly going to Garmish to ride the Alps!  How exciting!  So for my friends in Germany...keep a room open! =)  For my other friends that are interested in hopping over let me know and I'll get you the information, as I get it.
It's going to be a great winter!  Are you ready?

Don't ask, Don't tell -- but I masturbate to the thought of you.

Ok, now Obama just really crosses the line at bringing "hope" to the American people.  He wants to ban the "don't ask, don't tell" policy put in place to protect the privacy of troops.  As prior service I know what type of quarters are shared among the same sex.  Obama needs to be put in a locker room full with 60 other men and told that there are several men in the locker room that find him attractive.  To enhance what they would be feeling toward Obama, Obama needs to first be put in a locker room of about 60 females, so he will understand the sexual attraction the men would feel towards him.  Instead of making the 5-7% of troops happy to be themselves sexually, he his putting in jeapordy the state of mind of the other 90+% of troops. 

Dear President Obama,

You are trying to appease the American people and forget about who your decisions really affect.  Stop listening to the hot air blown up your ass on a daily basis and put yourself in their shoes.  Stop being stupid.

Your boss... an American Citizen!

"A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants."