existing

in many of my emails that i have sent my friends over the years i have told them that "life is short. you need to live, not exist." however the last few months, i've done absolutely nothing. i wake up in the morning, have some coffee, blog, check email, respond, go to the park, lunch, nap, television and bed -- seriously that is my day, except i usually don't blog but respond to forums. in any case, i find myself just existing and i know how people get caught up in the whole 'contentment of life'. i don't want to be content, i have actually despised the happy ordinary family life idea. i don't necessarily like drama, but i like 'life in my life'. i'm kind of that person that likes to run (except I don't) because it adds something to their day type of person. i want to know what people done before, cable and the internet?

i am currently a stay-at-home-mom, not really by choice because i want a job -- so seriously i'm in that "comfortable concentration camp" they talk about in the Vagina Monologues. i've been looking for a job, however with a bad economy, looking for a job almost seems pointless. however, i am lucky that i have a college education, a security clearance, and professional work experience; but i'm super lucky because i have a husband that brings in a good pay check with a secure job in this economy. i've thought of a thousand "million dollar ideas" but yet thinking about these ideas has not gotten me any money, my husband told me that i actually have to put them into action but i questioned that because why do they call it a "million dollar idea"? Why can't I just sell my ideas? lol if only life were that simple.

well it is almost time for my afternoon nap. i'm going to my bedroom, where i don't exist, until my 2 year old wakes up, then apparently i am his world. :)